There have been so many times that i've just wished to give up. To let some unfathomable force come and end this existence so i can start afresh in a new life. But fear keeps the thoughts from lasting long. fear of something hearing and acting upon my spontaneous anger & depression. How do i fight the evil that is slowly enveloping my soul, my being? I dont know how to make myself be sunshine again. I dont know how to smile truly anymore. I fake it like i fake everything else. Pure happiness is a myth, a faery tale, a legend to me. Its a stranger who whisks by on winter eves and blows a chill down my spine.
I ache with longing for things i know nothing of. A hopeless romantic, sordid realist, tantric dreamer... i'm everything here and inbetween, yet i'm nothing at all. I'm just a speck on this earth like sand is just a speck on the beach. I dont shine brightly enough, to light someones life. How do i shine for someone else when i cannot shine for myself.
The ache brings me back, time and time again, to the reality who's harshness stings my eyes.
No comments:
Post a Comment