its funny when you give yourself a moment to stop and think about it....

You go insane when you lock yourself into the same ole' routine.  All you want to do is break free from it, yet you are scared of breaking said routine.  Why is it that when you want to change yourself, better yourself... That's when its hardest to break old habits.  But its the easiest thing in the world to do what is absolutely and completely wrong for you...  they say that it takes doing something 21 times consecutively  for it to become a habit, but it takes only once to break that habit. 

And how does one grow will power?  that is proving to be my greatest battle yet.  Learning to tell myself no and doing what needs done but i don't want to do.  I know the changes i need to make and yet its so easy to keep myself from following through.


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I need to blog more.  Need to write poetry, short stories, my thoughts... i let the moods pass by and I'm still unsure why.  But i know i have alot on my mind that i can twist and mold into something absolutely amazing.  I just have to allow myself the time to do it... *sigh*  Behind on it all when that's the only way to keep me sane.  I thought that doing the monthly challenges was going to be helpful, but so far it hasn't been.  just became another something that i procrastinate on or forget about.  I'm hoping that its just my current living conditions that's sapping my energy and my muse from me.

Oh lord, how i hope that's all it is.  That I'm not loosing the flair that i once held so tightly in my soul.  talent can't disappear just like that for no reason can it?  I need some true inspiration, so push, some gumption.  I need to stop falling in old ways that are deadly for me....  I need to surround myself with creativity and positive influences.  gather myself and figure out what i want, who i am and who i would like to become.  reconfigure my dreams so that i have something to work towards, so I'll stop existing.  I need to conquer something, explore something, LIVE!!

I... NEED.... To... Be... FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!