Untitled 4-30-12

So, i was looking up videos for different hairstyles for me to try this week, and i happened across a girl who does tutorials that is qwerky and awesome.  But in one of her tutorials she was playing a song that inspired a poem out of me.  now, what i wrote did go with the beat of the song, so i'm going to post the song for you to watch/listen.  that way you can get the beat of how my poem is read in my head. lol 

I think i'm newly addicted to her... :)

You say I dream too big,
That i'm setting myself up for failure.
Don't want to hear my plans,
because you already know their end.
You laugh, tsk & belittle,
thinking you are doing me a favor,
& yet you get angry when i just stare and smile.

Well go ahead and burst my bubble,
poke these balloons with your doubt,
I'll just laugh and thank you later,
as my dreams, my plans, my future
comes bursting out

No confines to hold them any longer,
No doubt stunting their growth.
Your words that tried to draw my blood,
are the very words that set me free,
No longer under your rule,
No longer victim to your scrutiny.

Well go ahead and burst my bubble,
poke these balloons with your doubt,
I'll just laugh and thank you later
as my dreams, my plans, my future
comes bursting out

I know your dreams were taken from you,
and so you've tried to take back your power.
But my biggest wish that i'll dare utter,
is that you'll close your mind,
open your heart,  and fly with me.
Bring that smile back for your world to grow.

So go ahead and fill your bubble,
patch your balloons and lose your doubt.
We will laugh and you can thank me later
when your hope takes flight.







Again, not the greatest of poems.  sometimes i wanted to rhyme, sometimes i didn't feel like it.  But the song inspired the chorus which actually started out as a picture that i'm going to start working on.  For not having my muse visit me in a LONG while, This one makes me feel happy.  Able to get a little bit off my chest about how some important people in my life are about all my 'pipe' dreams.  Just have to stay steadfast and true and know that i'm the only one who can bring me down.  also, need to work harder at bringing my muse back home and keeping her with me...


sweet dreams world.  feels good to get something out on paper (literally & virtually)....

Where is this path leading...

I sit here, wondering if my choices are the right ones or am i going to have some drastic consequences that i must deal with in the near future. I've started doubting myself and my ability to handle every day normal tasks. it seems, anymore, that i'm incapable of handling normal, stressful situations.

This scares me for one simple reason. During one of these 'episodes', am i going to do something more that i would regret, or may not even have the chance to regret.

I pretend that i'm strong, that i am nothing but strength behind every one of these walls that i've built up. and yet when it comes down to me and only me, i break down, showing my true vulnerability to no one...

I've always been a hypocritical mess, but lately, its been stronger in more and more aspects of my life then before. I don't want someone, and yet i desperately want someone to pour myself into. and its not how people want someone in their life to have someone. no, i need someone in my life. i need someone to pour my soul out to, to hug me when i need it most, to accept me and all my faults (every vast number of them)... i want to be loved unconditionally, not just loved for how i seem. i want someone to know every dark secret of me, every stupid moment and emotion, and know that all i'm looking for is someone to listen and hug me. i want a best friend/soul mate far more then the intimacy that so many people are hunting for now a days...

and i hate being like that. I am awkward, uncomfortable and stubborn. i don't know how to change my ways, and i'm not entirely sure that i want to. its so easy being along and how i've been for so long, that i don't know if i can be any other way. but i also don't want to miss out on life like i've been... i haven't lived, and that is truly what scares me the most. if i were to die now, there is nothing to show for it. i haven't graduated, i have hardly lived on my own, i have no children, no loves, no published works, nothing. i haven't traveled, loved, shared, helped, nothing. i have simply... existed...

how can one change when they don't know how to change or how they want to change?