i just dont know what to do anymore. my heart hurts, my head aches, my stomach recoils. i just want to vomit all the hypocritical lies out o fmy soul and start fresh. But how? How do i do that? i dont have a lot of time, i dont have patience, i dont even know where i'd began.
i need to better my body and my heart. I need to educate myself and exercise my mind. But which do i start with first? which would prepare me best for the other?
i'm just so lost. I dont knw what i want to do anymore (save my degree). I want to move out, i want to stay home. I want to work on my car, my room, my art, my collections, my dogs, etc... so much i want to do, yet i never do ANY of it. I dont know WHO i am anymore.
i think i've gotten myself so used to hiding behind a smile, letting myself imagine that a world can exist with no bad, that i am the clown performing to make others happy, and not truly caring if i do or not.
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