No longer am i attending NAU, the school i've been dreaming of for over a decade. I'm no longer living in Flagstaff, AZ, a gorgeous town that i once called home. It is a beautiful place, one that i wish i would have had more time to take advantage of, wish i would have been more financially set to truly enjoy.
But the end of this dream isn't necessarily a bad one. I'm moving back home, 2 hours south to Phoenix, AZ. Back amongst friends, where theres more jobs available and where you can get much nicer housing for lower rent. I am getting my old job back (which i loved) and am moving in wiht a very good friend and will still be doing community college. I still plan on getting my degrees and having a life. I'm almost 28 and i need to focus on keeping me happy along with my long term goals.
Since i've moved to flag, i've experienced some amazing things, but i have also gained back all the weight i lost and have become very depressed and a huge jumble of very messed up emotions and whatnot.
It progressively got worse after my dear friend Dusti passed earlier this year. She was almost a year younger then me and she had just given birth to her only child not even a week before she passed. While being up in Flag, i didn't come downn and see alot of friends that i said i would because no one went up to see me. I had started feeling isolated, which does a lot of damage to a persons mentality. During this time, i was supposed to see Dusti, go to her babyshower, give her her birthday and christmas gifts i had for her, and yet i never did. in the entire year that i had moved until she passed, i saw her maybe twice. After that, my depression got worse and i started missing my friends and family more.
So that is part of the reason i had decided to move back. To rebuild these once strong bonds. To try and spend more time with friends and family, to watch my nephew and godsons grow up. but at the same time, be around my 'village' while i still pursued my dreams.
Whereas i feel like i've abandoned my original dream, i still have parts of it that i'm intent on making happend, and i'm trying to make sure that i remember that i'm moving for a new dream, not abandoning the old one completely.
But trying to convince yourself of the truth sometimes is much harder then one would think. Only time will tell if this is the right decision and it will help me how i need to be helped. i need to be strong in order to get where i can get the help that i need. Never was there an oxymoron so opposite and yet so true...
For now, i'm hoping to get some sleep so i can start the long long process of packing up and restarting my life. Truly hope that things will turn out better then i'm anticipating...
Fingers crossed for now,
This 'Ugly' Ducklin'
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