Twilights end

My heart grows shallow when faced with your eyes. Impossible dreams and meanings fight their way up through my walls, threatening to expose me for what i am. No longer a queen, but a pawn in the cruelest game of this heart. Lonliness n solitude fight hope away, taking joy in the bleat of defeat. How can one be so cruel to themself. I ask myself that every morning when i look in the mirror.

Aching Willows

I crave, i dream, i create, i imagine, i ache, i yearn, i desire..... Romance, closeness, love, intimacy, fearlessnes, beauty, sexuality, financial freedom, maturity, travel. So much my heart holds dear, so much my heart calls for, wishing to be complete. to live... to finally live. that sighs louder then this heartbeat which comes always a second too late.

I know what i hold in my heart, in my head. I'm not finding it and i have no desire to settle. NO desire to make do until the right one comes along. a romance, a love, that will compeltely knock my breath away. Something that will show me that movies arent full of bravado, but in fact, are based on some hidden truth. But i still hide my eyes behind false curtains. Pretending i dont see what i dont want to see.

But the truth, my truth, is there. Standing out in the crowd staring me blatantly in the face. Consuming the rising fear that threatens to rip through my vocal cords and unleash hell on the "innocents". The smallest chance that i may survive and conquer my goals is dangling inches from me, and i'm too frightened to follow. so many screwups i've made. too many for my liking. far too many...