Blah!

Trying to find time to update this amongst others... But keeping twitter updated. :) but then again, that is a little easier.. come one... text from phone? oh yeah! but methinks i may need a blackberry or something soon.. wish i could get an iphone with sprint... :(

A Kaleidescope Of Dreams

I sit here & wonder:

Why am I so fearful?
Why can't let myself give in?
Why can't I figure out what exactly it is I want & need?

There are just so many things going on in my head, in my heart. I'm confused & lonely. I'm accustomed to being alone, & yet, i'm aching & longing for someone. I have an unlimited supply of love within me, & no outlets. *sigh*

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Emotionaly Tired

Ive always been someone overly empathetic. Crying, feeling, hurting, etc when its other peoples problems. Idk what to do because spmetimes, it actually hinders me from living. Oh, the irony!

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Happy Easter!!!

Got to do egg hunt with the Nutter Butter!!! He was so cute & show offy!! Haha. He got spoiled by the easter bunny. & grandma & grandpa Hyde got him a new Cars backpak, which he used to put eggs. Lol

Now watching Marley & Me. LOL

Ciao!!!

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Waiting For Colors

I'm sitting here @ Becky's, waiting to get my hair done. Just sorta aline with my thoughts. Kinda scary. Lol

I'm scared @ the moment of whats ahead with Flagstaff & NAU. What if i'm not ready. What if i fail miserably. I'm so scared. Especially because of how my parents are. It's so stressful. I need to do this for myself, but they make me feel like its happening more for them.

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Very Blah!!

On way to laser hair removal w/mum & im soo friggin naseus its ridiculous!! But its hr drivin too. Ugh. & we've already argued bcuz i splurged on myself & got this itouch. Whatever.

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Very Blah!!

On way to laser hair removal w/mum & im soo friggin naseus its ridiculous!! But its hr drivin too. Ugh. & we've already argued bcuz i splurged on myself & got this itouch. Whatever.

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So Tired Of Being Sick

Im sick so damn much & it annoys the hell out of me. I would love for once to not be tired, to not have a headache, to not be dizzy or lightheaded or have balance issues. Id love to not have stomach issues w/ everything i eat, & same with heartburn.

Ive been trying 2 workout & i do good, but something always happens to cancel the good. & i have such issues with eating. Im always damn hungry, but i dont have time, patience, $ or ingredients to be making what i should be eating. I just feel like im stuck in a damn vicious cycle.

& then my apartment is another story. I het nowhere w/this fucking place. No wonder im so stressed & depressed all the time. Grrr!!! & when i ask for some fucking help, when im so damn desperate that im sucking up my pride & asking for a hand, NO ONE helps. They say they will but never do.

Just so fucking tired of it all. I really am.

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"Ant"-sy Dream

Had a dream that I came home and I had the ants back in my bathroom, but they were now going into my bedroom (all over floor but never on bed). I went in to lay down my trap that I have that I know works. I felt a bite on my lower right shin and one on my upper left shin, just below my knee. I just brushed at them and ended up smearing red stuff on my leg. I didn’t know what it was so I backed out fast. Somehow kahvi had gotten out of her cage so I threw her back in and took bambs into the living room onto the couch. While on there, I saw that there started to be red ants mixed in with the black. That’s when I realized that the red ants are what bit me.

Well when I look down and see both ant parties massing together and starting to fully cover my floor, I call my parents freaking out. My mom takes the phone from my dad and hangs up on me, only to call back a few minutes later asking “what the hell do you want?” when I look down again, I see that kahvi has gotten out yet again. So I pick her up and go to throw her in the top portion of the cage into the hammock with fahr when I see that there are already two little bodies there. Somehow I had mistaken a baby skunk (have no clue how) for kahvi earlier and threw her in. I throw kahvi in anyways and they all cuddle. I go back to my perch on the sofa and ottoman and start to see that the red ants are moving in swarms within the black ants. You can literally see red circles of ants moving in tune together through the black ants. Then they start to become balls, rolling through them and piling up into a mass pile.

At that point, I woke up and was kinda freaked out. There was actually a beginning of this dream, where I think I was out with people and I had come home, but I don’t fully remember that. This is what I remember. Lol…

So much to do...

There is so much to do that its overwhelming. So many bills to pay, so much to save, so much to pack and store and throw out. i feel like i'm drowning in it all.