time and time again, i've let my stubborness be my control.
someone says i cant do it, and i make sure and do it.
but lately, it seems like i can't do anything.
the way i'm viewed by others makes me feel like i've got a mask on myself to hide from myself and that everyone else sees this 'true' me.
I hate doubting myself.
Hate feeling like i'm nothing, worthless, horrible...
a mistake....
But then again, i've always thought my being here was a mistake.
Nature should have ran its course with me like it did with all my lost brothers and sisters...
I'm the rift in this world thats messed everything up and the fates are trying to correct this rift, but without getting their hands dirty.
its hard when it seems like everyone, everything is against you.
cares for you when its convenient, yells at you because you're there and they know that you'll take it.
I'm taken for granted, i'm used, i'm forgotten, i'm ignored, i'm despised....
i'm miserable.....
i'm trying to grasp onto things in this world to keep me here... but each time i find something, it slips between my fingers and i find that i have nothing.
so i go buy new things to try to keep me anchored to this world....
A temporary fix to an epic problem....
what does one do when they feel that their birth, their existence, everything about them....
has been all a lucky chance, a mistake nature didnt catch in time.....
in some ways, i wish nature would fix this problem because i havent the strength or courage to...
