So i've had a realization. There is one regret that i have in my life, more than anything... And that is when i gave up my heart to let my friends have happiness. I dont know why, but i've thought of him a lot lately. I've been remembering all the sweet, awkward converstations we had when he walked me to class. Sad thing is, i never realized till now (8 years later) that those werent friends walking to class. I gave up my chance with him because my friend liked him.
And he became awkward around me after that. But i remember all the small things that made him special to me. The song titles for his band, the projects he worked on for classes. i still have a guitar pik he gave me. I never realized until recently though, what a good guy was standing right there in front of me. And i dont know what happened but he changed. Something bad happened because he changed completely. I always caught glimpses of his inner self, of what he used to be, but then he tried to hide it completely.
I wish there was a way of finding him. Even if it is just to talk... Why is my heart hurting now? probably because i realized that giving my heart up for a friend was a stupid mistake. No one ever did it for me. It happened not once, but twice. Two different people. Two people who i think could have gone somewhere. but fear and friendship held me back. I had false ideals, false friendships, and even worse, false eyes.
I always thought that friendship should come before matters of the heart, but that isnt true. You need to just follow your heart, you need to open yourself up because friendship wont always be there, and neither will love. My heart's breaking too loudly, so i bid adieu....
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